Harry Styles loves to parade around naked in front of the other boys:
Within mere hours of 1D meeting and joining together as a band, Harry showed his style by getting his kit off. All of it. Even the girdle he uses to hold in his extremely fat belly.
Yep, he has a fat belly. It’s hidden well, though. In fact, his nakedness didn’t phase the other guys at all. It was the belly, which looked liked he had swallowed not only the fly, but the spider, bird, cat, dog, goat, cow and even the frigging horse, that was the problem.
Now, if he had been an Old Woman, he’d have died of course. But Harry has a unique medical condition that allows him to eat these strange creatures and survive. It also allows him to keep his belly sucked in with only the help of an industrial strength girdle.
Niall Horan is petrified of birds:
He is so scared of birds he won’t even go into a KFC. It’s Burger King for him. The problem arose when Niall was a kid and in dire need of a really good … piddle. He was alone in the bathroom, the door locked, about get out his winkle, when a pigeon flew in through the window, after using a diamond cutter to make a hole, and dive-bombed poor little Niall’s little Niall.
It wasn’t a simple mistake, though. The pigeon was ruthless. It had a baseball bat and started to pound on little Niall, before launching into some rather impressive karate kicks and, at one point, a few backflips and a rendition of a Jason Donovan song.
Don’t worry, Niall has a plan to get his own back. He has used his new found fame and vast new fortune to hire the best Private Detectives money can buy. They are tasked with tracking down this rogue pigeon and bringing it before the rest of the band to stand trial. And the obvious execution, of course.
What Niall doesn’t know, is the pigeon is the reincarnated spirits of his two pet goldfish, Ben and Jerry, who Niall murdered in a premeditated crime of feeding-them-too-much.
Zayn Malik is afraid of heights, open water, hedgehogs and eyes:
When poor little Zayn was younger, he spent some nervous time wading in the water as a shark circled. Lucky for him, Zayn suffered from smelly-feet-pongs. It’s a terrible and embarrassing condition doctors have never been able to cure.
The shark was so put off by the smelly-feet-pongs, that it decided to stay away. However, a few minutes later, he was kidnapped by aliens. On board the alien star ship, Zayn was forced to stare at the letter “i” for hours on end whilst balancing on a hedgehog on top of a ladder.
This all added to his long list of phobias, which also include being a member of a best-selling boy band. He stays away from open water now, won’t ever be seen up a ladder, and changed the spelling of his name from Zain to Zayn, to avoid the eye.
Liam Payne is the oldest member of One Direction:
And not, as some believe, Louis Tomlinson. And he’s older by quite a margin. Liam, who back in the day, and that day was a really long time ago, was called Toad by his Mum and Large Liam by his girl friends. Hmm, he’s not fat, so I wonder why they call him that? Must be because of his massive turtle.
He actually has two turtles. Yes, girls, count them: TWO. And they get bigger when you rub them. And their heads pop out.
Louis is a staggering 95 years old. Yep, I know, he doesn’t look it, but that’s due to the amount of make-up he wears. He always looks immaculate for a reason. He spends a staggering seven hours applying special latex patches and a secret paint formula over his face and neck to make him look young again. Add a wig and stubble made out of a pixie’s pubic hair and you’ve got a forever young Liam Payne.
Louis Tomlinson hates carrots:
And hates girls who eat carrots. And generally anything related to carrots (he’s paid me to say that so people will stop with all the carrots all ready).
He made a joke when he first joined 1D that he loved girls who ate carrots. It wasn’t true. However, he does love onions, and girls who eat onions, and girls who eat a lot of onions and breathe on him really heavily with their stinky onion breath.
It would be better, he said, if Harry Styles was eating onions, and he intends to force Harry to wear a suit made of onion skins when the two of them finally get married.
Louis also loves feet. Giant, hairy hobbit feet. Which is lucky, as Harry has giant, hairy hobbit feet. There’s going to be some serious toe licking in his future.